Social

It’s been a hectic week. Work has been taking over and I feel like I’ve barely had a second to think, which isnt necessarily a bad thing! But I feel exhausted.

I’m at a party this evening full of my friends and I wish I had the energy to be a part of it but honestly, I physically cant. So I find myself here on my phone. Lost in my own head and avoiding conversation with people because I really dont know what to say.

Maybe now it’s time to start saying NO to these things because in reality, I’m not fun to be around and I would rather be at home in bed. How do you excuse yourself from these things though? By telling everyone you are struggling with your mental health? The Mental health taboo may have lessened in recent years but as someone who has always struggled we are miles away from treating it as the illness that it is. I wouldn’t have felt any way about excusing myself this evening because of a headache or a sickness bug but to not turn up because of depression……I dont think so.

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Body

For the first time in months, today I went to the gym. It was exactly what I needed.

It’s so easy to fall out of routines when you’re feeling low and the last thing that I personally want to do when I’m in that place is exercise. My energy is sapped, my mind is all over the place and my self esteem takes a beating so being surrounded by gym goers can be damaging for me.

Going today gave me the kick start that I need to start to feel better. I have been struggling to look in the mirror because I hate my body. I’m hoping that today is the step change I need to get kick started on a different path.

Sleep

I have been feeling so exhausted recently. Every day tasks take it out of me and just getting through the day feels like a huge challenge.

I try to explain to people the amount of energy that it takes for me to just get out of bed in the morning and I feel like people just dont get it. They’ll nod and say, ‘yeah, I know exactly what you mean’ but in reality, they dont understand that it physically exhausts me to just get myself up and ready to start the day.

The first thing I think about in the morning is getting back into bed.

I’m have been trying this body oil sleep spray for the past few nights by Feather & Down and I have to say, it does have a calming effect. It feels great on the skin and has a really nice fragrance. Not a cure for a restless night but definitely a nice addition to my bedtime routine……..

#sleep #mentalhealth #warrior #anxiety #depression #feather&down #essentialoils

Allies

I realised today that it is so important to talk. Having that one person that you can open up to, be honest with and share your thoughts is crucial.

I found an ally this evening in an unlikely place. An offer of support which I hadn’t planned on taking up has opened up to be a really frank and honest conversation. And honestly, I think it’s just as helpful to her as it is to me.

So often, it isnt your best friend or partner or parent that you can have these conversations with but the neighbour who stops to ask if you’re ok or the colleague who notices you are a bit quieter than usual. They’re the ones.

So if someone does ask you ‘how are you?’ Stop and take a minute, they just might be the one to help you through this journey.

#friends #mentalhealth #depression #ally #anxiety #talking #therapy #mind

Therapy?

Ive been in a dark place. It’s not the first time, it’s just one in a long line of bleak moments in my life. This time has been different though. I’ve been ready to fight.

So after a trip to the docs, he recommended anti depressants (standard) and talking therapy. I definitely feel that I need to address certain things that have happened in my life so arranged some counselling sessions through work.

Fast forward 6 weeks and after 3 sessions, my counsellor has called time (or at least I think she has). Our first session was pretty bad, resulting in a panic attack and me throwing up. Second sessions, meds had kicked in and I was more coherent. Third session, because I didn’t shed a tear and had been for an interview earlier in the day, apparently I’m fixed and no longer need support.

Is this therapy? Because I sure as shit am not better.